Let Freedom Ride
by lunastars
Summary: Zoey was given a home by Samcro when she had no where else to go, she's found a family in them, and now after years she is being sucked into not only the good but also the dangerous side of their world.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_This has a good chance of being continued on. If I do it will follow the episodes but there will be a lot of additional scenes that are not in the show. Some episodes may also be skipped over and occasionally used for flashbacks at a later date._

But we shall see. I would love to know what you think :)

_Season: 1 Episode: 1_

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><p>I sat at the bar while Kip cleaned behind it to busy himself while the others were in the room. I'd only been in there once before but I could tell you with complete confidence who would be sat where. Sons of Anarchy or not there was always some kind of order among them. There was no way to see into the room but I could visualise it and what they might be saying. After the Mayans' little stunt I knew this meeting was important, Opie being roped into it only confirmed that.<p>

Suddenly the door to the other room opened up slightly. Before it did fully I hopped down off of my stool and gave a little whisper to let Kip know they were coming out. He instantly looked at the stock and I knew he was getting Clay's drink ready for him at the very least. I moved away as Clay came over with Bobby, pausing momentarily to say thanks for the drink.

"You doing alright, darlin'?"

I looked up a little as Jax put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him lightly. "Shouldn't I be the one asking _you _that?"

He shook his head. He tried to look confident and sure but his eyes said it all, he wasn't coping. "You're the kid."

"I'm twenty-three," I defended.

He winked at me. "Exactly."

I shook my head for a moment before letting it roll back slightly to rest on his shoulder. "You should go and see that son of yours."

"There's nothing I can do."

I didn't press the matter any further. I knew that was what was worrying him. The kid had barely been in the world that long and already his chances were shit. I couldn't blame Jax really. When I didn't respond he just pulled me further into him and put his other arm around me, momentarily hugging me. I buried my face into the fabric of his hoodie as he held me for a moment before pulling away.

I kept my head down as he left. When I looked up again Opie had taken Jax's space. He fiddled with his hat for a moment, nervously. He looked the same but he also looked different. Lately with him it felt longer and longer between each time I saw him.

"Hey, Zoey."

I smiled then and it brought out his one too. He pulled me into him, his arms wrapping around my waist as mines went around his neck. He lifted me off of the ground slightly and I held on for dear life, giggling slightly at how tightly he held onto me.

"You never could stay away from the club," I commented as he set me back down and stepped back a little to look at me.

"I missed you, Zo."

We just shared another smile then. It felt great to have him back. He never really left but he was definitely distancing himself from the club. I needed him just like the rest of them. Part of me understood why he was doing it and why Donna didn't want him in the club but in that selfish way I needed him around. In that moment I felt like I could trust him again.

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><p>"I'm going," I argued.<p>

My foot was on the van, in the way so that they couldn't shut the bigger door. Clay looked pissed but seemed to accept that simply telling me to go wasn't going to work.

"Half-Sack and Bobby aren't here, Gemma will be at the hospital or something," I explained, motioning a little too much with my hands. "I'm not a kid, I'm going."

"Old ladies don't get involved in shit like this," Tig reminded.

"I'm nobody's old lady," I shot back. "I'm in this club because my daddy was a good business partner. I grew up with his club and I appreciate you all taking me in when I came to you a few years back but there's no reason why I can't help you with this."

"You think you're ready for this?" Clay asked.

"I think this could go tits up," I admitted, ignoring the condescending tone he had. "But I'm not going to let you face it alone."

"What makes you think it's going to go tits up?" Chibbs asked.

"You're a man short."

Jax and I shared a look. I had noticed right away that Opie wasn't there. It was the very reason why I wanted to come along. I could guess why he wasn't there and I could guess it was all good intentions but I could slowly feel that trust I thought I found in him again slipping away.

Eventually Clay motioned with his head for me to get inside. It was the lesser of two evils. I happily obliged and jumped right into the van, even closing the door behind me myself. As I sat next to Jax I knew he wasn't happy but I needed to do this. Samcro helped me when I needed them, now it was time to return the favour.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the reviews on the first chapter, I hope you enjoy this new one :)_

**flashbacks are in italics.**

_Season: 1 Episode: 2_

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><p>I rolled my eyes as the bag was emptied out onto the table. When Bobby showed up while the boys were working I should have guessed it was some kind of food. Of course there were jokes and comments made about the fact that nobody believed these were good, organic treats. That didn't stop everyone from grabbing one though.<p>

I was about to make my own comment when Clay walked in with a bag in hand talking about the deal they had with the 9'ers. I moved away from the group and over to the bar. Most of the time I would just listen if they were out in the open like this but after the stunt I pulled last time I knew I had to keep my head down. Even so when he started to hand out the cash that was inside of the bag I was surprised when he slipped me a couple of bills.

_"You can't pull that shit again," Clay warned me when we were finally alone after getting back from the job with the Mayans._

_"Look I couldn't just sit around," I defended._

_"You were right it did go a little wrong and we were a man short but you shouldn't have been the person to make up the numbers." I could tell he wasn't really angry at me. "If Gemma knew she would have had my balls for letting you come with."_

_"I'm sorry, okay?"_

_He looked at me like he had more to say but he didn't. Instead he wrapped one arm around me and hugged me. I hugged him back until he lightly touched the side of my head before pulling away and heading out._

Clay winked at me before telling the boys to spend their money wisely. I knew what he gave me was probably less than half what the others got but I appreciated it all the same. As I pocket the money Juice came in talking about how there was some warrant to search the warehouse.

"Can they do that?" I questioned as the silence wore out.

"No way to stop them," Clay remarked as he ran his hand over the front of his face. "We're going to need to do something about this though."

I didn't say another word as Clay stopped leaning against the bar and motioned for Jax and Bobby to walk with him. The boys all slowly disappeared until I was the last one left. I leaned over the bar and grabbed a can of coke from behind it. If it was the alcohol they would probably shoot me for taking but with this I knew they wouldn't even bat an eyelid at.

As I walked outside I opened the can. I could see Tig sitting on his bike eating away while Clay, Bobby and Jax disappeared into the office. I wandered over to where Tig was and leaned lightly against the back of his bike, my eyes focused on the office.

"You alright?"

I looked at him but he was still facing forward, still eating away. "Yeah, you?"

He glanced back at me over his shoulder. "How come you were so were so eager to come with us on the Mayan thing?"

"Need to know basis, Tiggy," I said as I tapped the side of my nose.

He turned around a little better and snatched the coke out of my hand. He took a couple of gulps of it before speaking. "Whatever the reason I bet Clay weren't too happy."

"We dealt with it," I shrugged as I took the can back. I wiped the rim a little with my shirt before taking a sip. "No need for you to worry about it."

He motioned to the can with his head. "I ain't got any germs."

"There's no telling where that mouth has been," I commented.

"Get your ass off my bike."

His tone was stern but from the twinkle in his eyes I knew there were no hurt feelings. I blew him a kiss and he pretended to look disgusted. I smiled a little as I looked back at the office. It was couple of minutes before Bobby and Jax stepped out into the garage. I started to make my way over.

Clay came out of the office as I got closer. He was on the phone. Our eyes met briefly and he gave me that subtle, reassuring smile which I returned. When I reached the office door I knocked once before stepping inside.

Gemma was the only one in there. She shifted some papers before looking up. "Oh hey, baby."

"Hey," I said as I sat down on the desk.

"What's wrong?" she asked, and I could feel the tension in her voice.

"Nothing" I said as I shook my head. "How's the kid doing?"

"Abel's doing great." I caught the hint of a smile on her face. "Well as good as he can be in his situation. You should go see him."

"I heard Jax is going soon," I said in way of an excuse. "He's still pretty angry so I'll go another time."

I could see she wanted to argue with that. There was no denying that the boys were pissed about me coming with them to deal with Mayans especially Jax and Opie. The former I cared about. The club were like a second family to me. Gemma was like a second mother and Jax was like the brother I never got to have. His opinion mattered to me and I hated that he was angry with me. Opie on the other hand could stay angry. I was done with hoping we could have him back, or at least just to have a little piece of him.

"I'm still having that dinner," she spoke up, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I'll be there," I told her and the relief was evident.

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><p>I stood in the doorway as Gemma asked Jax about the box of John's things. I couldn't help but notice the proud smile on his face as he explained to her. She sat down on the floor as she listened and thumbed through the box. She pulled out a photo and made a comment.<p>

"How hot was I?" she asked as she studied the picture of her and John from their younger years.

"Smoking hot," Jax and I said at the same time.

The two of them looked towards me. Gemma looked sceptical and she gave the same look to Jax before her attention turned to the box again. Jax shuffled over on the bed and I went over to him. I sat down beside him with my back against the wall. He rested his head against my side.

"You said you read something," Gemma commented as she glanced back at us.

I looked down at Jax. He shrugged a little. "A few journal entries, nothing much."

I kept my eyes on Jax as Gemma talked a little about John. He wore the biggest smile but it was cut when he was called for. He reached over and patted my knee before getting up. He rolled over me and off of the bed. As he made a comment to Gemma I got up too.

"You go on as well," she said to me. "I'll be out in a minute."

I didn't want to know what she was up to so I left the room, making sure to shut the door behind me.

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><p>"You been helping out, darlin'?"<p>

I looked up as Jax walked up. I sat outside on the front steps. I shook my head at him as he stopped in front of me.

"I've been avoiding it actually."

It was the truth. They had all been inside cooking away for tonight and I had been out here. I was good at that kind of thing, just not on a mass scale. Jax chuckled as he held both hands out. I placed mines in his and he tugged me up.

"So you don't hate me anymore?" I figured after he let me sit with him in his room that he wasn't really angry but sometimes with Jax it was hard to tell.

He dropped one of my hands but still held the other. "I never hated you."

"I had to do that job," I argued, feeling like I had to defend myself.

"To prove yourself? To spite us? To spite Opie?"

"A lot of reasons." I refused to be too specific. "Speaking of Opie, I take it he isn't coming tonight?"

"He hasn't said anything about it." He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we headed inside. "You should go easy on him. He's not been back that long."

"He's not back at all," I commented. "At least it feels that way."

"You and Op have always been close, just give it some time."

"But we're cool?" I asked as I hit his chest lightly with my fist.

"Darlin', someone's gonna need some heavy machinery to pull us apart."

I chuckled a little at that, happy to hear that that was the case. When we got into the dining room everything was set up and almost everyone was sat down. Jax shuffled the two remaining seats a little to give us some more space. He sat down closest to Clay and I sat between him and Chibs. The latter handed me a beer. As Gemma sat down and leaned across the table to kiss Clay I caught Jax smiling and I couldn't help but smile too. I leaned my head against his arm momentarily and when I sat up straight again he leaned over to gently kiss my temple. I couldn't stop smiling as food was passed around and everyone was sucked into different conversations. I knew if the world could see them like this then they would know that the Sons were more than just outlaws, they were family.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_seen as it was brought up Zoey is my OC, the point is you will find out more about her as the story progresses. I didn't want to dump a shed ton of information about her in one go so it'll be a gradual thing. I also got asked where Tara is, you'll see her. You should see almost all of the characters in SOA, especially if they're in Charming. It just all depends when Zoey is around to meet them seen as it's from her POV._

_Season: 1 Episode: 3_

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><p>I shook my head and couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Jax, Tig and Bobby being the biggest kids you've ever seen in your entire life. They were laughing as the tiny roller-coaster built mostly for kids went around its track. Jax had tried to get me to go on it with them but I kindly refused so I could stand back and watch.<p>

Their childish antics didn't stop there though. As we moved through the fair Bobby made us stop so he could get some cotton candy. I only agreed if he got me a snow cone, which he did. He even got me a strawberry one which is my favourite. As we continued to move again Gemma tried to rope Clay into doing something while Jax grinned like an idiot at the rest of us. I chuckled a little to myself, especially when Clay lifted Gemma over his shoulder.

"Hey, Clay."

He dropped Gemma down and moved over to shake the man's hand. "How you doin', Elliot?"

The rest of us moved over to where Elliot was with his wife and daughter. The latter wanted to go on some ride again and when her mother looked like she was going to say no Jax got their attention and handed over a few of his tickets. I smiled at the way girl looked at Jax before she said a quick thank you and ran off to her ride.

As Elliot and his wife eventually said goodbye and left, Jax grabbed my wrist and pushed Tig in the opposite direction, pulling me along with them. Bobby wasn't far behind us. When we were far enough ahead Jax let go of my wrist but set his arm loosely around my shoulders. A couple of guys watched us as we passed. I could feel the tension rise but nothing happened until Jax caught sight of a clown on one of those games where you have to knock him into the pool of water below.

I shuddered. Not a lot got to me but clowns scared the life out of me. I could barely look at them for more than a few seconds at a time. Jax squeezed my shoulder as the clown taunted them before he moved over to take a turn. Of course he missed them all. It was the same with most fair games, the changes of actually winning were incredibly slim, it's how they make their money.

The clown took it too far though. He made comments that would only really bother the boys slightly but they decided to act on it. I watched as Tig moved over. The clown started to protest, saying how sorry he was but Tig ignored him as he slammed the button in, knocking the clown into the water. Jax and Bobby followed, pushing the clown back under once he resurfaced.

As we walked away I couldn't help but laugh at the state the clown was in. It always took a while for me to get into the fair, by the time I did something usually came up and right on queue Juice came running into view.

"We gotta go," Juice called to them, waving them over.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted, boys," Tig mumbled as he walked slowly towards Juice, the rest of us following.

"And girls," I muttered, correcting his sentence.

He turned around and walked backwards, smirking at me. "Have fun."

I stopped short and coughed as I held out my hand expectantly. The boys groaned before fishing into their pockets. I watched happily as they placed the rest of their tickets and some money into my waiting hand.

"Pleasure doing business with you," I said as I counted what I had.

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><p>"Hey, baby."<p>

I looked up as Gemma walked into Jax's house. Seen as I hadn't been going to the hospital much I tried to help out with Abel's nursery whenever I could.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I could sense it in her, something wasn't right.

"You remember, Elliot?" she questioned. "That guy Clay spoke to at the fair."

"Oh yeah, what about him?" I grabbed the box I needed from the living room and took it into Abel's nursery.

"Remember his daughter?"

"Sure," I said as I placed a couple of stuffed toys into the cot. "Jax gave her some tickets so she could go on some ride."

"Well she never came back from that ride."

I stopped what I was doing and turned to look at her. "Have they found her yet?"

"Yeah, baby, and it's not good."

"What happened?"

I could already feel the anger bubbling up in me and I knew Gemma could see it. She gave me a gentle smile. "She was raped and she has no memory of what happened or who did it to her."

"Jesus Christ," I muttered as I leaned back against the cot. "What can we do?"

"The club has got it handled," she assured. She came over to stand in front of me and placed her hands on my shoulders. She squeezed gently. "I'm going to help them out a little. I was wondering if you could go and see Abel for a bit seen as I can't be there?"

I wanted to say no like I usually did but this was extreme circumstances. This wasn't some job I could tear the boys or Gemma away from so I sucked it up and nodded. "I'll just finish up here and head on over."

She smiled and kissed my cheek. "That's my girl."

I smiled a little at her as she left the room. When I heard the front door open and close I set back into my work. I tried to be slow so that I wouldn't have to be at the hospital as long but soon I ran out of work and I knew if I started another big task I would completely forget to leave. Gemma would be pissed if I did that. So I slipped my shoes back on, grabbed my bag and headed over towards the hospital.

When I got there I headed straight up to where I knew Abel would be. When I got to the room there was a nurse inside but neither of us said anything as I slipped into the room. I sat by Abel. Coming here was rare. He was so tiny and fragile looking and I hated that. I hated knowing that he already had this big fight and there wasn't anything I could do to help, but everyone else was busy looking for the bastard who raped Elliot's daughter. Thirteen years old. I wanted to be out there too, but they would never allow it anyway. It would be messy business and that's the main reason I agreed to sit with Abel.

I didn't read to him like Gemma often did, in fact I didn't say much at all. Instead I told him I was there, said my name even though he would have no real idea of who I was. I would then sit in the chair and just be there.

I lost track of time when the door behind me opened up. I spotted the nurse moving to leave before I looked over to see Jax wheeling Wendy in. I got up instantly and moved to leave too. Jax squeezed my shoulder as I passed in a form of thanks and I just smiled softly back.

When I reached the door I heard Wendy gasp and begin to cry. She kept saying how sorry she was and I could tell she was in shock at Abel's size. I wanted to hate Wendy, I really did, but seeing how much Jax still cared for her, I couldn't. I watched them for a moment and when Jax started to explain to her what would happen next I slipped out completely.

As I looked through the window I saw Wendy standing. She turned into Jax's embrace and he held onto her, hugging her close. I glanced at Abel one last time before uttering a silent prayer.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ I think this is the first chapter that doesn't follow what happens in the episode but instead just mentions what happened and looks at something completely different instead. There will be other chapters like this in the future :)_

_Season 1: Episode: 4_

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><p><strong><strong>"Hey, do you need me?"

I leaned in the doorway of the office as Gemma sat behind the desk. She looked up at me and contemplated her options before she straightened the papers in her hands.

"Why?" she asked as she turned her full attention on me.

"Well I thought seen as the boys are all out in Nevada I would do something for myself for a change." I shrugged a little as I toed the door frame a little with my boot. This would be the last day they would be in Nevada. Now that they were all out of town and things were still running smoothly here in Charming I figured I should use this to my advantage. "Unless you need me?"

"I've got some stuff to do," she said as she stood up and came out from behind the desk. "I'd appreciate it if you could go and see Abel. Jax will probably go when he gets back but I hate the thought of him being in there by himself."

"Tara is there," I reminded her.

"I have a feeling she'll be busy," Gemma responded and I didn't bother to get clarification, her tone alone told me I shouldn't get involved. "You go and see Abel and I won't need you."

"You're a good grandmother," I mused as she came over to me. "Abel's lucky. We're all lucky."

"Thanks, baby," she said softly as she touched the back of my head gently and kissed my forehead.

"Even if you can be a bitch sometimes."

I could feel her smile against my forehead. As she shook her head and withdrew to look at me I couldn't help but smile. Gemma rolled her eyes, turned me around and pushed me lightly out of the door ahead of her.

"You spend too much time with Jax."

I turned around to face her as we walked towards her car. I couldn't help but grin the whole time. "Are you calling him a bad influence? He'd love that."

"At this point I'm not sure who's worse."

As we stopped at her car I placed my hand on her shoulder and lifted up onto my tip toes to kiss her cheek. "You would be bored without us."

"Do you need a lift anywhere?"

I couldn't help but smile at the fact that she seemed to try and ignore my comment. "No, you go do what you have to. I'll take my car."

"Don't forget the hospital then," she said as she got into the car, clearly understanding that I planned to go somewhere else as well.

As she shut the door the window rolled down. I leaned on it. "Whatever you have planned, don't do anything stupid."

She didn't have to respond to that verbally, she just had to give me a look. As she waved a little with her hand I backed up and waited for her to drive off before I headed over to my own car.

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><p>I usually did a lot by myself but the chances of doing something without being roped into a club thing was rare. The boys being out of town is something that hardly ever happens. This time it was for a patch over, something else that was rare. I had never met the Devil's Tribe club down in Nevada before. The only member I had ever really met was Jury, Jax's unofficial 'uncle'. They seemed like a decent enough bunch of people. Even I could see that they were in a lot of ways different to Samcro but if Clay wanted the patch over then I definitely couldn't object.<p>

Seen as I wasn't getting involved in the club's business I wanted to make the most of my time without them. I had planned to go out somewhere but every place I drove to I ended up driving away from again. All of them were places I went to with Jax, Opie or the rest of the boys. Even when I got to them alone they would always show up. I didn't get this amount of freedom often and when I finally do I don't have a clue what to do with it.

After driving around for a bit I stopped off somewhere to buy a bottle of Jack before I headed over to Jax's place. If he didn't go straight to the hospital he would probably come straight here, other than that I doubted I would be interrupted for a bit.

When I got there I went to the kitchen first. I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard before carrying that and the bottle to the bedroom. I tossed the bottle and glass onto the bed as I wandered over to the shelves. It definitely wouldn't have looked like this when Wendy was here, Gemma really had gone all out on this place.

I picked out the photo album from the shelf and took it over to the bed. I laid on it with my head at the foot of the bed. I opened up the photo album in front of me and grabbed the bottle and glass. I poured myself a drink before placing the bottle onto the floor. I held the glass in one hand and slowly drank it as I flicked through the photo album. It was an on old one so a lot of the pictures were from before Opie went to prison. He was in a lot of them actually. It was all back when he spent a lot of his time with us.

As I flicked through each page I continued to drink.

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><p>"Zo."<p>

"_Zo_."

"_Zoey_."

I shook awake as my name was called. As my eyes opened they slowly focused on Jax. He was crouched down in front of me. I was curled up on the rocking chair in Abel's hospital room. Jax had one hand on the arm of the rocking chair and his other hand on my knee.

"Jax?"

He chuckled a little as he squeezed my knee. "How much have you had?"

"Not that much," I said as I sat up. I ran my fingers back through my hair. "I left the rest of the bottle at yours when I got the taxi."

"Come on, get up."

I held onto his hands and he helped me to stand up. He moved passed me to sit in the rocking chair. Once he was situated he reached up and pulled me back onto his lap. I adjusted myself so I was sat to the side of him with my legs thrown over his. I rested my head against this shoulder.

"Gemma asked me to come and check on Abel," I explained. "I honestly didn't mean to just fall asleep."

"He's okay," Jax assured. "Tara was around."

"I think Gemma was going to talk to her today, figured she wouldn't be at the hospital."

"She wasn't earlier I don't think," he explained as he rubbed slow circles against my lower back. "Gemma say what it was about?"

"You know I don't get involved," I mumbled. "How was the patch over?"

"Eventful," he sighed as he sunk a little lower into the chair. "Glad to be back to see this little man."

"Hmm," I mumbled as I tried to keep my eyes open.

I felt Jax shift a little and I knew he was looking down at me. "Sleep a little longer. I want to stay here for a bit so when I'm ready to go home I'll wake you and take you back myself."

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked as I let my eyes drift shut. "Gemma and Clay will probably be asleep by time we get back, or worse. I should really get my own place."

"Sure thing," he chuckled. "It'll be my place or the club house."

I didn't say a word but instead I just nodded my head as I curled up a little more and fell asleep.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_Season: 1 Episode: 5_

I sat on the table part of one of the plastic picnic tables. Gemma and that were setting up the stall for her fundraiser. I had done my part in showing up and helping to bring the stuff over. I watched them as April Hobart came up to the stall. As they spoke I overheard her mention Kyle's name. I never got too involved with the clubs business but I knew that Kyle was the reason Opie went to jail. I hadn't seen Opie at all since he bailed on that job with the Mayans but I still knew how he would react if Kyle showed up here.

When they stopped talking I hopped off of the table and moved over to the stall. I smiled at April as she passed by. No matter what Kyle had done April stuck by the club, that meant she was loyal so she deserved some kind of respect.

"You really going to talk to Clay?"

"Shit," Gemma sighed as she put down the bowl she was carrying. "Don't start. It's for April and her kids, not Kyle."

"He still gets something out of this," I reminded her as I tried to keep my tone in check. "That bastard doesn't deserve to be here. You know what he did to Opie."

"Good to see you defending him again," she said with her hands on her hip in that way that only Gemma knew how. "I know you and Opie are close, but it goes beyond that."

"I'm still angry at, Op," I assured. "But he doesn't deserve this. Kyle did a really shitty thing and it shouldn't be forgiven."

"And it won't be." She reached over the table to place her hands on my shoulders. "It's just for the fundraiser. He'll be gone after that."

"He better be," I warned her as I shrugged out of her grasp. "Because if he's not I won't be held responsible for my actions."

I stood behind the stall as I watched Opie head over to Donna and Ellie. As he crouched down in front of them I could see how torn and lost he felt. Part of me wanted to forgive him there and then. I understood why he was ditching the club more often than not and I understood why he was never around but I didn't have to like it. Even before I began to fit in here it was always me, Jax and Opie. Even when I was too young to really be included in much of anything. Now it just felt like it was Jax and I.

"You gonna keep staring or are you going to say hi?" Jax teased as he came over to the stall.

I threw the chip I'd been about to eat at him. "Shut up."

"He asked about you earlier when I was getting that stuff from him and Donna." He pointed the chip at me before eating it. "Which you were supposed to help us with by the way."

"Oh sorry, was that something super important that I bailed on?"

Jax shook his head at me and stood beside me, nudging me gently with his elbow. "Op had no choice but to bail that night."

"Figures you let him." I sighed and reached for another handful of chips. "I love his kids and despite her hatred for the club I love Donna but Opie is ours too. Fine, he bailed on something important, I can deal with that but I can't handle him bailing on us."

"He's not bailing on us, you're bailing on him."

I went to argue with him but then Gemma finished what she was doing and she asked about how the guys were handling Kyle. I kept my mouth shut then. I still couldn't believe that Opie had been the one to say that Kyle should come. I didn't want to know his motives because he should have said no.

Jax touched Gemma's arm softly before going over to where Opie now stood. I turned away from them and dumped the remaining chips that were in my hands into the bin. As I straightened up I got myself a dangerous look from Gemma.

"What?"

She shook her head at me with an unsatisfied smile. "Stop sulking, go over there and cheer him up. If he really is your friend then you need to help him not punish him."

"Yes, ma'am," I responded sarcastically.

She pushed me away gently as she turned back to continue on with her work. I contemplated doing what she said but when I looked back over Opie was already up and walking away. I glanced at Gemma briefly before grabbing one of the drinks from under the table and headed off to find something fun to do.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" I answered as I picked up my phone. I had wandered around the fundraiser for a bit but before it got dark I left to go for a drive. I parked up somewhere and climbed up onto the roof of the car where I laid down.<p>

"Figured you would want to know."

I sat up and held onto the phone a little better. "Gemma?"

"Allowing Kyle to come was a huge mistake." She let out a deep sigh and I knew that she wasn't upset, just torn.

"What happened?"

"The club happened. Kyle was supposed to get rid of his tatt," she explained.

I rolled my eyes, typical that he would do something like that. I hated to ask my next question but I knew I needed to. "Is he okay?"

"I told April to get to the hospital." There was a pause and I could just imagine her lighting her next cigarette. "I've got to take her kids home after this."

"How was the band?" I asked softly. As much as I hated Kyle, his kids didn't and I knew they would be horrified when they found out their dad was in hospital in what I assumed would be a bad state.

"If Charlie noticed that they're missing then he hasn't shown it."

"Do you need me to come over?"

Another pause. I knew she was contemplating it. "No, baby, just if you're thinking of going to the club maybe wait a little while, okay?"

"I'll find something to pass the time," I assured her as I hopped off of the car. I opened up the door and sat in the front seat with my legs hanging out. "Promise you'll call me if you need me."

"Sure," she agreed. "I have to go. Remember, wait a bit."

"Got it, bye."

I didn't wait as I hung up the phone. I knew Kyle coming would end badly but I never expected this. A few punches here and there were to be expected sure but not this. As I thought about it I got my phone back out and scrolled through to Opie's number. I contemplated actually pushing 'dial' but after everything that had supposedly happened tonight I knew I could put my feelings a side for a moment.

As I pushed the dial button I brought the phone to my ear. It rang several times and eventually it rang out and the answering machine picked up. The automated message barely got out the fact that I had reached it before I hung up.

* * *

><p>As I walked over to the garage I looked behind me to see Jax up on the roof. As I got closer to the garage Half-Sack stopped what he was doing and set the brush aside. He offered me a small smile as he rested a little.<p>

"It smells disgusting in here."

He nodded his head. "Yeah, burning a guy's back tattoo off will do that to a place."

I had heard about all of the shit that had gone down and I still couldn't believe it. It didn't surprise me what Kyle had done but it all escalated so quickly. "Yeah, how bad was it?"

"You really want to know?"

When I didn't respond he got up and started to sweep the water out again.

"Kip," I called. When he glanced at me I held my hand out. "Let me do that. Go find something we can use to mask the smell a little better."

He offered me a thankful smile as he handed the brush over and disappeared outside. I glanced up at Jax on the roof as I began to sweep. He tilted his head at me in recognition but I knew he wouldn't be coming down for a while. It made me wonder even more about what he was up to. Jax rarely kept secrets so I knew this one had to be important.

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	6. Chapter 6

**IMPORTANT: **_for the purposes of this story both Jax and Opie are 30, making them about 9 years older than Zoey :)_

* * *

><p><em>Season: 1 Episode: 6<em>

I got down with the rest of them when the cops showed up. Jax looked sideways at me as we laid down on the cement. I was supposed to leave and stay away from the club until this all blew over but I refused to go. The boys were all laughing and making comments as we lay there waiting to find out the news of the raid. Of course we all knew the answers. Jax was laughing too but I could tell he was still pissed at the fact that my hands were also cuffed.

When all of the cops came out after clearly finding nothing the boys started laughing harder. The bitch who had cuffed us deliberately stepped on Juice as she made her way along to take the cuffs off of all of us. When Jax was up he and Juice helped me to stand. The latter kept a grip on my arm as he dragged me away.

"You guys are lucky," I hissed at him. "What now?"

"Some are heading up to see Piney and Op at the cabin," he explained when we were out of ear shot.

"Who's going?" I demanded instantly.

He didn't answer right away and I knew it was because he realised I wanted to go. Juice could be a little stupid sometimes but he wasn't stupid enough to make this easy for me.

* * *

><p>"What's she doing here?" Opie asked as he answered the cabin door.<p>

"Fuck you," I mumbled as I pushed passed him. "I have just as much right as anyone else to be here."

"She wasn't going to take no for an answer," Jax defended as he and Bobby came inside.

While they all settled down to talk about the guns and the incident with Piney's contact I went to grab myself a drink. I half listened to them talking as I poured myself a drink, knocked it back and set the glass in the sink.

"I didn't mean it like it sounded." I turned around to see Opie standing in the doorway. "I just didn't expect Jax to let you be involved, or Gemma for that matter."

"Well she's in jail for whacking some girl in the face with a skateboard."

A smile played at his lips. "I heard on the day of the fundraiser you were on my side, sticking by me."

"Yeah," I snorted as I leaned against the counter. "Until you were an idiot and let Kyle come."

From the look on his face I knew he thought it was a mistake. "I thought he was going to be miserable. Either way, it still means a lot that you didn't want him there because of me."

"I'd do anything for you, Opie, you know that." He stepped further into the room, finally looking a little relieved but before he got too close I held my hand up. "Only problem is I'm not so sure you'd do anything for me anymore. I'm not sure I can trust you anymore, Op."

His face dropped and before he could say anything I slipped back into the other room. The others were already on their way with the guns so I settled down on the couch and prepared to stay out of the way.

I was still sat on the couch with my legs curled up and the blanket thrown over them when Clay showed up. After he greeted everyone and took a seat Jax got him caught up on what had happened at the club house. I kept quiet as they discussed what to do with the guns.

I looked up as Jax handed out beers and leaned against a chair to look at Clay. "Mom home?"

Clay paused a moment. "She wouldn't let me post bail."

"Oh shit," Jax breathed, laughing with the rest of them. "She is _pissed_."

"Yeah, that she is," Clay agreed with a nod of his head before he looked over at me. "But not as pissed as she's going to be when she finds out you're here."

"I'm a grown woman," I said with an innocent smile, repeating something Gemma had said to me countless times in the past.

"Yeah, when it suits her," Clay reminded.

"Well we're handling Meineke and his crew," Jax spoke up, switching the conversation back to business. "Piney set up a meet for tomorrow. We're gonna clean this up."

"Yeah, well, I'm tried, and my head hurts," Clay announced as he got up from his seat. "And you'll handle it." Everyone watched him as he walked away. "I'm just gonna crash here tonight."

"We'll talk in the daylight," Jax called after him.

"In the daylight."

As he disappeared down the corridor to one of the rooms the boys all shared a look. Opie was still working away at the guns and Bobby picked up a new one. Jax drank the rest of his beer before he wandered over to where I was. He dropped down onto the couch beside me and put his hand on my knee.

"You're gonna stay here, okay?"

I nodded my head. "And you'll pick me up on your way by."

"And if I can't Chibbs or Bobby will take you."

"I know," I assured him. "You were very specific when you told me before."

"It's my job to repeat that kind of stuff." He squeezed my knee and sat up a little. "Otherwise you'll get yourself into trouble."

I raised a brow as he looked back at me. "You're not exactly the poster boy for honest role models."

"Then you know exactly what not to do."

I smiled a little as I looked down at my lap. "Do you really think Gemma will be pissed?"

"She just worries about you," Jax tried to reassure.

"She can't help it." I looked over at Opie as he spoke, everyone else did too. "From the moment you showed up with your dad she couldn't stay away."

"You remember that?" I asked him, glancing at Jax because I knew he would have been there too.

"Yeah, I was about eleven at the time, which would have made you about two," Opie said, clearly thinking it over in his head. "I've never seen anyone with that much curly hair before."

"He said as much," Piney laughed suddenly. "Doubt you understood properly but you definitely didn't like it."

I bit my lip as I looked to Opie. "Really?"

"Yeah, you bawled like a baby," Jax chuckled. "Op sat you down and made you laugh. Been inseparable ever since."

Opie gave me a soft smile but I looked away. We _used _to be inseparable, of course that had changed a little but never this much. "When did you and I get so close then?" I asked Jax.

"Oh wow," he said as he sat back again, putting his arms behind his head. "I must have been about fourteen. It was the middle of the night and I'd just started to fall asleep when you came into my room. I was angry until I rolled over and you told me you had a nightmare."

I remembered a few times I had gone to Jax with nightmares, but I couldn't remember that time, the first time. "What happened?"

"I moved over and let you lie down with me," he shrugged. It was something he had done quite a lot. It got to the point where I would knock twice, walk in and he would already be moving over to make room for me.

"He's always struggled to say no to you," Chibbs commented.

I moved around so that I was closer to Jax. I leaned against him and put my head on his shoulder. He grabbed the blanket and moved it over a bit so it was covering the two of us.

"I love you guys," I mumbled as I wrapped both my arms around Jax's arm.

He laced his fingers together with mine and I placed my other hand on top of his. "I love you too."

I heard the boys mumble in agreement as I shut my eyes.

* * *

><p>"Took your time," I called as Jax showed up at the cabin with Opie and Piney stopping in the truck not far behind him.<p>

"I know, I'm sorry," he apologised as he turned off the engine and looked at me. "They all leave?"

"Clay left to meet Gemma," I explained. "Bobby and Chibs left not too long ago after they got the call that it was over."

He nodded his head and looked back at the truck for a moment. "Listen, darlin'…"

I followed his eye sight to where Opie and Piney were watching us. "Oh, Jesus, what?"

"You mind riding back with them?"

"You're kidding?" I asked as I brought my attention back to him. "I know what I said last night but there's a difference between being in a room full of people and being stuck next to Opie with no way out."

"You're being harsh," he commented, and from the way he looked at me I knew he was being serious. "He's too much of a man to admit it but he misses you. I know that he feels different and that something ain't right when you're not around."

"I guess after five years I was just expecting him to be around more, I was so excited when he got out," I told Jax honestly, whispering in case in some bizarre way Opie could hear us. "You know he didn't let me see him, right? He denied to see me every single time."

The way he looked at me I knew he had no idea. "If I know Op, which I'm sure I do, he was just looking out for you. Tell him how you feel. Just because Donna doesn't like him being involved in the club doesn't mean he can't be around you. Talk to him, please?"

"I guess I'm going to have to at some point," I sighed before poking him in the shoulder. "You owe me for this."

"Deal, now go on."

I dropped my hand and headed over to the truck. Opie climbed out so that Piney wouldn't have to. I shared a look with him. He looked partly shocked that I had seemingly agreed so easily and the other part of him looked thrilled that I was coming. I climbed into the driver's seat then shuffled over to the middle, giving him room to climb back in.

By the time he got in Jax was already off. We were going a few seconds later and as Piney looked out of his window Opie reached over and squeezed my knee. I glanced at him and he did it again before putting his hand back on the wheel. It was a thing, a small one but still. He used to do it all the time to tell me it was going to be okay or to bring me back to Earth when I got out of order without him being too obvious about it. It was our little cue. This time I knew it was to tell me it was okay. For the first time in a while I decided to let myself believe him.

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_Season: 1 Episode: 7_

I sat on the seat of the picnic bench. Tig was sitting on the table part with his legs stretched out, resting his feet on the seat beside me. Bobby was stood nearby while Chibs was stood a little away watching Kip and Lowell box. As we watched Clay arrived.

"Things all better with the little missus now?" Tig questioned as we all looked over.

"My balls are still attached," Clay informed as he hung his helmet on his bike. As he came towards us he seemed to realise what we had been watching. "Shit, Lowell, get out of there. Who's idea was this?"

Tig and Bobby both accused each other at the same time. Lowell said he was okay with it but Clay forced them to go back to work. As the boys stopped boxing Clay asked how Lowell was doing. I stayed out of the conversation even when Jax showed up.

The conversation eventually turned to talk about Kip. Of course it turned into some big ploy on how to make some money. He could box, he had huge talent but seeing him with Cherry on the other picnic bench I wish he was never involved with all of this. It took a lot for them to even be together. I couldn't believe Clay was stupid enough to have sex with Cherry down in Nevada. It was a miracle it all ended up okay. Well, if you ignore the idea of Gemma with a skateboard and Cherry with a broken nose then it ended up just fine.

Clay finished up by giving out his orders. As the guys split I noticed Jax, Tig and Clay seemed to gather together. The words 'bones' and 'what' hit my ears and I knew something was wrong. I couldn't interfere, there were only so many times I would get away with it. So when the three of them disappeared I looked to Bobby.

"What's going on?" I asked as I stuck my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of where they had been standing.

"I don't know," he told me honestly. "Kid, if I could tell you I would."

I'm not sure I believed him. I knew the boys kept a lot from me because it meant that I couldn't get myself involved, but even if they could tell me I doubt any of them would. "So are you keeping quiet to protect the club or because you honestly don't know?"

"Option B."

From the way he looked at me I knew he wasn't lying. I got up from the bench, planning on going somewhere else for a bit. Bobby would probably find out later with the rest of them. Knowing the club it probably wasn't good.

* * *

><p>I set the glass down on the bar and pushed my plate away as the phone rang. Everybody was busy with Kip's boxing or whatever the hell was on the club's agenda today so my plan was to keep a wide berth from anything involving them. The only thing I could think to do was get food so I treated myself to something decent.<p>

"Hello?" I answered as I finally dug my phone out and put it to my ear.

"I bought some stuff for the nursery and I was wondering if you wanted to help me out."

"Oh hi, Zo, how are you today?" I replied sarcastically.

"Bitch," she mumbled but I could hear the smile in her voice. "You want to help me or not?"

"I've just finished eating," I informed as I dug out some money and put it on the counter. "I'll head over to the house right now."

I hung up the phone as I headed out to my car. The nursery was pretty much perfect so whatever she had shouldn't take much. The drive over didn't take too long from where I had been. I was just pulling onto the street as I saw Gemma park up on the driveway.

I parked behind her and as I climbed out she stood there waiting. I went over to her and took the baby bath and other stuff out of her arms. She locked up her car and led the way over to the house where she unlocked the door and let me go in ahead of her.

As I walked down the corridor and got to Abel's room I stopped dead. Everything was either completely broken or thrown around the room. It was completely trashed. I just stood there staring until Gemma pushed passed me.

"Oh my god," she breathed out as she stepped into the room.

I stepped into the room behind her and set the stuff on the floor. A group of photos pinned to the opposite wall attracted her and she wandered over to them.

"What is it?" I asked her as I looked around the room.

"Old pictures," she said as she studied them. "Expect for this one of Jax and some girl. I've never seen it before."

I was picking up one of the stuffed toys from the floor when I heard a splash-like sound. I turned around to Gemma as she cursed.

As I stepped closer to her, my nose wrinkled up. "Is that…?"

She didn't say anything, she just stormed out and I knew that that was the last straw.

* * *

><p>After she had stormed out she had called Jax. As we waited for him to arrive Gemma stayedout of the nursery and I stayed in it. The smell was a little more noticeable now that I knew it was there but I felt like I had to stay. Part of me wanted to do something, like clean up the mess, but I knew I had to wait until Jax saw it.<p>

"Who did this?"

I turned around as Gemma and Jax walked into the room. The latter looked pissed. "ATF."

"Why?" Gemma asked.

"Tara."

"That stupid bitch."

"How is this her fault?" Jax snapped as he turned on Gemma. "This guy's dead."

"At least," Gemma muttered.

I looked at her in disbelief as I followed Jax out. As he stepped out the front door he started to dial a number on his phone. He sat on his bike as the call picked up and he started to speak. He only said one thing before he hung up the phone again.

"Jax, _wait_," I said as I stood in front of his bike, planting my feet either side of the front wheel and placing my hands over his.

"Zo, I've got to go."

"Think about this, _please_." I knew why he had to do it, hell, I would do it too. At the very least I would do it for Abel. What if he had been in the nursery at the time? But Jax was getting in deep with Tara and I didn't want him to do something reckless enough to get into real trouble.

"Hale is going to be there," he informed me. "How much trouble can I really get in?"

I studied him for a moment before I finally stepped back. "Make sure he gets the message."

* * *

><p>I waited outside as Jax came in. After he left earlier I had gone back inside to help Gemma clear up the nursery a little bit. She never liked Tara that much but I knew she hated her more now. The fact that something in Tara's past was shitting on the family really pissed Gemma off. I kept the topic of conversation away from that, but when Jax showed up again I knew Gemma was burning to stick her nose in where it wasn't wanted.<p>

I could hear them talking and I wasn't waiting long before Jax left the nursery again. I glanced up from where I sat on the floor as he stopped beside me. It was noticeable that he was favouring one leg but I didn't ask specifically about it.

"You okay?" I asked him.

He reached his hand out and helped me up. I noticed the pained look on his face from whatever was causing him to limp, but he said nothing about it. "Just fine, darlin'." We headed towards the front door. "What have you been up to?"

"Avoiding anything to do with the club," I admitted. "But then your mother roped me into coming here and well…"

We were outside now and we stopped by his bike. He leaned on it a little, avoiding looking at me. "Yeah, I'm sorry about before. I know you were just looking out for me by trying to stop me, but it's all sorted now."

"Do you still love her?"

He kicked the ground as he looked at me. The fact that he didn't even have to ask who I meant kind of told me something. "I honestly can't answer that question right now. My head's all over the place."

"Whether you do or not, please be careful," I warned him softly. "Tara is a great person, but it's you I care about. Don't be stupid, Jax."

He smiled a little as he turned to me. He pulled me in for a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around me as his chin rested on top of my head. He didn't have to say anything then. He squeezed me tight and lifted me up slightly before setting me down again. He pulled away with another smile before getting onto his bike. Once his helmet was on I leaned over and kissed his cheek before stepping back. He nodded his head at me once before backing the bike out and then driving off.

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	8. Chapter 8

**Flashbacks are in italics  
><strong>  
><em>Season: 1 Episode: 8<em>

I stood outside of the hospital room looking through the window. I could just see over the top of Gemma's head as she sat in the rocking chair. I watched Abel, wrapped up tight as he wriggled a little from side to side. He was still pretty small but he looked a hell of a lot stronger.

"What are you doing here?"

I looked over at Jax who stood with one hand on the door handle. "Kid's getting out of the toaster today, I wouldn't miss that for the world."

He grinned at that and motioned with his head for me to follow him. As we entered the room I stayed next to Gemma and he went straight over to Abel. He moved around to the other side of the incubator so that he could watch all of us. I kept quiet as Gemma refused to look at him but then Jax apologised and she returned it. She stood up then and went over to the incubator. I slid into the rocking chair, curling my legs beneath me as I watched them.

"What happened with me and Tara, that's ancient history, mom."

I looked up at that. I guess that was my answer from the other night about whether he still loved her or not. I could see deep down he still did love Tara but I also believed that he wasn't going to get involved if he could help it. I kept quiet as they talked about it, about how in love Jax had been with her and how crushed he was when she left. I remembered that. He was about sixteen when I first found out who Tara was and the fact that he was in love with her.

_"Who's that?" I asked as I tugged on Opie's sleeve and pointed to where Jax was standing with some girl._

_"God, you're nosey," he muttered as he swung around on his seat._

_"I'm seven," I said like it was some kind of excuse._

_He chuckled a little at that and finally looked over to where I was pointing. "Oh, that's Tara. You've met Tara."_

_"No," I said, shaking my head. "Who's she?"_

_"Jax's girlfriend," he said. "He's either hiding it or he's completely clueless to the fact that he's in love with her."_

_"In love?"_

_"Yeah, like when you really care about someone, someone who you don't consider family."_

_"Oh." So that was the reason he hadn't been around much._

_"Trust me, when the haze of love lifts a little he'll be around more again," Opie assured as he turned back around to face the table. He started to scribble with a green crayon on some paper. I had roped him into sitting with me. "Plus, it means more time for you and me to hang out."_

_I laughed and curled away from him as he poked my side. "That sounds horrible."_

_He dropped the crayon dramatically like he was upset by my words. For a moment I thought he was, until he grabbed me and tickled me. I curled away from him as I started to laugh louder. He put on this fake manic laugh as he refused to let me go._

As the memory faded away I remembered that day being the day I decided that Opie was my person. He and Jax would always be the two people I would trust the most. I missed it, especially back then when everything seemed a lot simpler.

I noticed the conversation with Jax and Gemma had changed to him needing a favour. I finally got involved then, leaving my memories behind for now. I stood up as he told her about what the club wanted from Luann. As they spoke I knew Gemma would do it. She would do anything for the club. I waited until she left the room to phone Luann before I turned on Jax.

"Why didn't you say how deep in shit you guys were?"

"There's nothing you can do about it, darlin'," he assured me. "Clubs got it handled."

"Jesus, Jax. Someday 'clubs got it handled' isn't going to fly," I warned. "One of these days I'm going to need a lot more reassurance and I won't be the only one."

He sighed before giving a warning of his own. "Don't let Clay hear you talking like that."

"I'm not disrespecting the club, you guys know how much faith and trust I have in you all," I said as I drew patterns on the top of the incubator with my finger. "But it's hard when you're this far on the outside."

"It's for your own good," Jax tried to reassure as he wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "You're the closest thing to a sister I'm ever going to get. I'm going to protect you if it's the last thing I do."

I nodded my head as I kissed the top of the incubator. "You heading out?"

"Yeah, I'll come back to see the kid get out," he said as he tapped the glass gently. "Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm going to head out for a bit, but I'll be back later too."

When he didn't ask if I wanted a ride I knew he had business to deal with. We said goodbye to Abel and left the hospital together but when we got outside we split.

* * *

><p>"Beat me to the punch."<p>

I chuckled as I turned to see Jax and Gemma heading over. "Tara's going to be helping. I thought you were going to be late."

"And miss this?" Jax questioned with that cheeky grin of his.

We were all led to a room where Abel would be checked over in an adjoining room and then brought into us. Jax took the chair and I sat on the arm of it while Gemma stood on the other side of Jax We waited in silence, no one dared to say a word.

It wasn't long before Tara finally came into view holding Abel in her arms. We all instantly stood. I'd never seen Jax smile so much before as he was handed Abel. I bit my lip as he sunk back into the chair, speaking quietly to Abel. As Gemma and Tara left I stayed for just a moment.

Jax looked up at me. He looked proud, happy, scared and so much more all at once. I squeezed his shoulder in reassurance and he looked happily back at Abel, not saying a word. I lightly touched Abel's feet through the blanket before kissing the top of Jax's head. I squeezed his shoulder one last time before I too left the room so they could be alone.

"I can't believe he's out," Gemma said as I closed the door behind me.

"Been in that thing long enough," I replied.

"This is a good day for all of us." I smiled as she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight against her side. "You got yourself a strong little nephew, me a grandson."

"Nephew," I repeated the word, smiling to myself.

"Well he's as good as," Gemma assured. "I know I'm not your real mother, but you're still my baby." She looked at me and lightly pinched at a stray hair on my cheek. She softly moved it away before running her thumb over the same spot. "Why don't we go and grab a bite to eat? Leave the boys to it for a little bit."

I nodded my head softly. She smiled at me before letting go and leading the way. I glanced over at Tara who stood nearby talking to a nurse. We shared small smiles before I followed Gemma out.

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Season: 1 Episode: 9_

"Where is he?"

I glanced up at Gemma. She looked just as agitated as I felt. I wanted to know the answer to that question too, we all did, but Clay was trying to keep everything calm.

"Called his cell phone a dozen times," Opie announced. "Tara's house, no answer."

"I can't just sit here," Gemma announced as she got up from the table and went to leave.

Clay grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop and look at him. "Hey, 'till we see where this lands, you stay put, understand?"

"What if they got to him?" Gemma asks, her hand on her hip, giving Clay that look that only Gemma could pull off.

"Jax can take care of himself, Gem," Tig told her.

As they shared a look I looked over my shoulder at Opie. His eyes drifted from them over to me. We hadn't spoken much but I knew they would never let me go looking and Opie was the most likely person to find Jax.

He nodded his head at me before getting up. "I'll take a ride to the hospital, see if he's there."

"I'll go with you," Piney said as he made his way out from behind the bar.

Opie kissed Gemma's cheek before leaving. As she turned to speak to Piney I got up and followed Opie out. By the time I got outside he was already sitting on his bike. He was putting on his helmet as I came over and I could hear the sound of Piney coming outside too.

"You'll find him, right?"

He held on but didn't move the bike. "I'll do what I can."

"I know you and I aren't on the best of terms but we both love Jax."

He looked up at me then. "You're on bad terms with me. I've got no problem."

"You keep giving me reasons not to trust you, Op," I admitted softly. "I want to, but how do I know when I need you you're not gonna bail?"

"It's all been for good reasons," he argued.

"It has." And it wasn't a lie. I loved those kids and in some way I loved Donna too. If I was him I would bail for them in a heart-beat. "But what happens when you take _this_ half out of the club completely and don't come back?"

"Zo," he sighed. "I'm not leaving either side behind. It won't happen. I know I haven't been around much but I'm not leaving."

"You better go and find Jax."

He reached out to touch my hand but a second later he removed it. "I'll find him."

I stepped back as he started up the bike. As he drove off Piney followed close behind him. I watched until they were out of sight then I headed back inside. As I got in Unser was there. Clay was saying goodbye to Gemma. He gave a warning look to Tig before he followed Unser out.

As screaming came from the other room Tig and Gemma went in before I question why Clay was leaving. I stayed outside as I listened to all of the noise. A split second later Gemma came out again with Tig chasing her. She argued with him for a moment as she grabbed her coat, but like always Tig ended up going along with her plans. Tig was always loyal to Clay, but he was terrified of Gemma.

"What's going on?" I asked after Tig reluctantly agreed.

"I'm going to look for Jax and Tara," Gemma said as she came around to stand in front of me. She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye. "Now, listen up. I don't care how old you are or what's going on, you do not leave here alone, you hear me?"

"That's hardly fair," I scoffed.

"We both know Tig can only handle one of us at a time." I smiled a little at her joke. "So _stay_, okay?"

"Jesus, fine," I agreed reluctantly.

She kissed my cheek before leading the way out. I reluctantly sunk into the nearest chair. I propped my feet up on another and sunk down low.

* * *

><p>When Jax finally showed up Opie and Piney had already come back. They seemed to know something but I didn't ask.<p>

"Jackie boy, where have you been?" Chibs asked as he came out of the room.

"I'm here now," Jax said as he handed a bag over to Chibs.

Everyone started moving about and talking. There were a lot of questions. I stayed silent. I didn't even ask if Jax was okay or not. I just watched him get up to speed and then leave again, no doubt to find Tara. She was probably the only doctor we could trust not to say something. As he left Opie did too and I found myself believing once again that maybe he wouldn't leave us after all. He hadn't found Jax, but he was gone a long time searching.

* * *

><p>I watched as everyone moved away from the table. I could see that Jax was heading straight for Tara but I managed to catch his eye. He nodded his head to Tara, to let her know he was coming, before he came over to me. It had been a long day. Tara managed to save Cameron and the shit with the hit on Clay was being dealt with.<p>

"Where were you today?" I asked him as he stopped in front of me. I was sat on the table part of the picnic table with my feet on the seat.

"Just trust me when I say it was important."

"The club needed you," I pointed out.

He nodded his head and I could see how torn he was. "I know. If I had a choice I would have been here, you know I would have."

"Jesus, Jax, I was so worried." I got up so that I was standing on the seat. "We all thought they might have gotten to you."

He wrapped his arms around my waist loosely and looked up at me for a brief second before lifting me down onto the ground. "I'm fine. I just had some shit to deal with."

I glanced over to where Tara stood. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do," he said, glancing back at Tara briefly too. "Op wants back in the club."

I looked at him, shocked as I tried to process what he had said. "Since when?"

"Since I went to find Tara earlier, he and Donna got in a huge fight," he explained. From the way he held me tighter I knew he was worried. "He wants in on the newest job, wants to pull the trigger himself."

"I'll go talk to him."

I went to walk away but Jax pulled me back. He brought his lips close to my ear. "If he fucks this up it could be bad for everyone. Club needs to know he's really back."

"I'll make sure he knows."

This time he did let me go. I searched high and low, hoping that Opie hadn't gone home yet. I looked everywhere, refusing to ask anyone in case somebody asked me why. If anyone thought I was looking for him because he had cold feet the club would never trust him again.

Luckily I found him sitting away from everyone. He was leaning against his bike with his arms folded over his chest. He didn't bat an eyelid or say a word as I came closer, he didn't have to though, I could read his expression a mile off.

"Why are you so determined to get back in with the club?"

"Isn't that exactly what you wanted this morning?"

I sighed as I ran a hand over his face. "I just didn't want you to leave. Coming back in like this is a big deal, you can't change your mind now, you realise that?"

"Yeah, I realise that and I also realise that my family needs money." He nodded his head in the direction of everyone. "The club is the way to get that."

"I just want you to be careful. If I could make your life with the club and your life with Donna gel better I would." I wrapped my arms around myself.

He reached out for me and tugged me into him. He wrapped his arms around me and I let him, even putting my arms around him too. I rested my head against his shoulder.

"I know what I'm doing," he assured me. "Getting back in with the club has always been the right answer.

I didn't say a word. I couldn't fight the guilt bubbling up inside of me. It sounded like he had been contemplating it for a while and I guess it didn't help that we had all been going on about what he was going to do. I wanted Opie back with us, at least a lot more than he had been lately, but at the risk of losing him entirely, it didn't seem worth it.

* * *

><p>I was about to make my way through the mass of passed out people when I heard Gemma and Tara talking. I held back long enough to hear them talk and when Tara came out I followed her. She didn't seem to realise I was there until we were outside.<p>

"I know she's not your biggest fan, but she is looking out for you." Tara gave me a disbelieving look to which I shrugged. "If you don't want to be in this kind of life then you do have to be careful where you go from here with Jax. Hell, do you think anyone of them want _me_ in this life?"

"Why are you in this life then?" she asked curiously.

"Never knew my mother, my daddy did some business with the club, it was always just the two of us," I explained as we stood side by side. "I was about fifteen when he died. I split. Moved from place to place, but as you can probably guess that didn't exactly work out. I was about sixteen when I came to the club. I grew up around them, that's why I get on with them so well, but I never lived with them. Daddy tried to give me a life separate from Samcro too."

"They took you in?"

"Gemma was the closest thing to a mother I ever had, she really stepped up to that mark when she took me in."

"Take it she had to convince Clay?"

I shook my head. "No, believe it or not Clay was always good with kids. If I hadn't of grown up around the club he might of said no, but he's known me since I was a little."

"If they don't want you involved why did they bring you in?"

"That's what family do, they brought me in for that reason," I explained. "I'm loyal to club, no doubts about that but no one asks for their loved ones to get caught up in this shit, especially when it hits the fan. I had no choice, but you do. I will always back the club, but I can understand why someone would want to stay clear. You need to make your choice before it's too late."

I left the thought hanging as I headed back inside.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Season: 1 Episode: 10_

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><p>"How's Opie?"<p>

Jax stopped walking and looked over at me. Op had been working really hard on one of the bikes in the garage. I knew some of what had happened with the hit, but I wasn't sure if I should be the one to talk to Opie about it or not.

Jax looked over to Opie briefly before making his way over to me. He sat down at the picnic table beside me and pulled out a cigarette. I waited patiently as he lit up and took a long drag, lightly holding the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

"He wasn't ready," Jax explained, refusing to look at me. "I get it, but…"

"The club might not," I agreed. "Clay wouldn't do anything, would he?"

He refused to look at me and my stomach dropped. The club had been a little on edge about Opie ever since he got out of prison. With him being so in and out I could tell some people were finding it hard to trust him, hell, I was struggling. The thought of them completely cutting him out or punishing him made me feel sick.

"_Jax._"

He finally looked at me. He sighed and dropped the cigarette, putting it out with his foot. He then shuffled closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his middle and rested my head against his shoulder.

"Opie is family, and that goes beyond being a member of the club," Jax reminded me. "Everything will work out."

"We could lose him, Jax."

He kissed the top of my head and squeezed my shoulder. "I won't let that happen."

I closed my eyes and held onto him tighter. I knew I was being stupid. The club wouldn't act rashly. It was a big job for Opie to do for his first one back in the club. Did anyone really expect him to be able to pull it off?

* * *

><p>When I walked into the club house Clay was on the phone. I heard him talking about Cameron and Happy. I knew the former was up in the cabin because Gemma had left earlier to take some supplies up to him. Tig and Bobby were with Clay and Opie was leaning against the pool table.<p>

I went up to Opie and hoisted myself up to sit on the pool table with my legs dangling over the edge. Opie looked at me out of the corner of his eye, but continued to fiddle with his phone. When he still didn't look at me I moved onto the pool table completely and moved to sit down behind him. I put my legs either side of him and wrapped my arms around his middle, leaning my forehead against his back. I felt him place a hand over mine.

"What's this for?" he asked.

I lifted my head away so he would hear me. "Because I've been such a horrible person to you."

He stepped forward a little and I let go of him. He turned around to face me and stepped back towards the pool table. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Does that mean I get to have you back?" he asked softly, pressing his forehead lightly against mine.

I held onto him and closed my eyes. "Are you really back?"

"Yes," he told me without hesitation. "And Zo, even if I wasn't back with the club I would never leave completely, you should know that."

"I'm trying to believe it."

He smiled at little. "I'm just glad you don't hate me anymore."

"I never hated you," I corrected. "I just didn't want to give my all to someone who might leave again."

I wanted to tell him all that I had told Jax. I wanted to tell him how much I hated not seeing him while he was in prison or hearing from him. All the information I got on how he was doing was second hand from Jax, it just wasn't the same. I didn't want to dump it all on Opie right now with everything that was happening.

Suddenly his phone beeped and he glanced down at his pocket for a moment before looking back at me. "Zo, why don't you go outside?"

"Why?" I asked, frowning at him. "What's wrong?"

"I need to speak to Clay," he explained. "Business stuff."

I nodded in understanding as he stepped away from me. I jumped off of the pool table. "I think I might go see the kid anyway."

His fingers brushed against mine as I walked pass and he gave me a thankful smile. I caught Clay's eye and he watched me leave. With everything going on with the ATF, Cameron and all the other shit it was hard to go anywhere without having someone's eyes on me.

* * *

><p>Tara smiled softly at me as I entered the room. Her eyes continued to flick between Abel and the clipboard in her hands. I watched her writing as I stood by Abel's head. I kept my hands to myself as she studied him and checked him over, but the second she started to write I reached out for him. His grip on my finger wasn't much of anything, but it was tight enough. I smiled as he wriggled about, his grip on my finger tightening every so often.<p>

As Tara reached in as well I glanced up. I stared right past Tara to look at the ATF agent, Stahl, standing on the other side of the glass. Tara looked at me first, realising something wasn't quite right. Once she realised I was looking outside of the room she turned around and looked too.

She didn't say a word as she passed the clipboard over to a nurse and touched Abel softly. I watched her go outside to speak. If it wasn't for Abel still holding onto my finger I would have gone too. I wasn't supposed to get involved, but that didn't stop me from wanting too.

I tried to focus on Abel, especially when he would start crying but I found myself constantly looking up. As soon as Stahl left I started to relax. No more than a few seconds later Jax appeared. He must have passed her on the way here because he was smiling like he had gotten away with something, but the second he locked eyes with Tara it turned into a frown.

He followed her back into the room and I knew he meant to talk to her. The second he came in he stopped momentarily at the sight of me with Abel.

"Zo, can you give us a second?" he asked, stepping further into the room now.

I looked between him and Tara. "I only came to get away from the clubhouse, I'm just going to go now anyway."

As Jax stepped closer I looked down at Abel, he was falling asleep anyway. I slightly pulled my hand away from him. As soon as he relaxed properly and his eyes closed I stepped away completely. Jax gave me a small smile of thanks as I grabbed my things and left the room.

* * *

><p>I got up as Half-Sack came in. I had stayed out of the clubs business all day on purpose. Whenever I was asked to leave a room or go somewhere else, I did as I was told. With that ATF bitch hanging around I wanted to stay clear of the club as much as possible anyway. Like Gemma, I wasn't questioned when they started pin pointing the females associated with club. Neither of us had anything to lose outside of the club itself. All we knew was the club. Tara had her job, Donna had her family and Cherry had a past. Seen as I was safe I stayed clear, especially when she came to speak to Tara at the hospital, but I kept my phone on in case I needed to be reached.<p>

It all worked out of course. Happy had to get involved to help ship Cameron and Cherry out of the country, but Samcro were safe for now. I had gotten the call from Gemma and while she went to see the boys off I went to the club house. I knew the boys would ride with the truck so far and then turn back around to avoid any suspicion. I couldn't see the rest of them as Half-Sack walked in, but I knew the cargo had left.

I got up and moved over to him. I stopped in front of him and placed my hands on either side of his face while his hands rested on my waist. I gave him a sad smile before I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry, Kip," I said as he hugged me back.

"It just sucks, y'know?"

I did know. I never blamed the club for losing my daddy even if it was on club business. I'd been happy for Kip. He got a lot of shit for just being a prospect and they liked to push his buttons because he could rarely fight back, but then he got something real when he got Cherry. She wasn't too bad either. I rarely saw her, but I could tell she was nice. Neither of them deserved this.

"It's better for her to go." We pulled away from each other and he smiled a little. "For her and the club."

"Did you know her name was Rita?" He smiled again, almost chuckling to himself.

"I heard." I smiled back. "I think I prefer Cherry."

"Honestly, so do I," he agreed.

We both laughed and I hooked my arm around his. He walked us behind the bar. Just as the others finally flooded in Kip dropped my hand and began to pour everyone some drinks. He handed me the first one, giving me a look of thanks in the process.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **_Sorry that this one is ridiculously short, but I originally wasn't going to do anything for this episode. I'll probably upload the next chapter in a few hours or so considering the length._

Season: 1 Episode: 11

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><p>I was stood at the side of the room listening to Piney tell some old stories about the club. I was only half listening, but even then we didn't react quickly enough when Juice said there were cops. The door was kicked in and armed cops swarmed the place.<p>

They yelled for everyone to get down, anyone who didn't was pushed or pulled to the ground. I was about to get down myself when someone tackled Jax as he came into the room and another person forcibly grabbed Gemma and shoved her to the ground. I made my way over as Clay went to hit the guy before he was forced to the ground too.

I didn't get close enough before I too was targeted. I lost my balance when I tried to dodge the person grabbing me and I fell backwards. I stayed on my back as I hit the ground and I held onto my elbow which had banged hard against the floor in the process. I glared at the gun being pointed at me, but a second later it was gone.

"You okay?" Tig whispered.

I looked sideways to see I had landed near him. I nodded my head softly. As he rested his forehead on his hands I heard one of the cops put Bobby under arrest. With all of the commotion Clay yelled to Bobby that he would get a lawyer before he was kicked by Stahl. She must have come in right after I fell. Gemma spat at her and yelled too, only to receive a kick herself. I considered getting up as both Clay and Jax started to fight angrily to get to Gemma.

Bobby seemed to be all that they wanted, but Stahl still made a point of looking around even after he was taken away. She wouldn't let any of us get up as she moved. She looked around almost every inch of the room before she finally called her men off. She crouched down in front of Clay before she would allow him to get up. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I could probably guess.

The second she stood up they all left. Each of us got up and I could tell that everyone was itching to go after her. Instead we stayed. Clay went straight to Gemma and Jax came to me.

"Are you okay?" Jax asked as he studied me.

"She's fine." I looked over my shoulder, not realising Tig was still near me. "She hit her elbow when she fell back."

"One of those guys hurt you?"

I was still looking towards Tig who didn't look like he was going to move any time soon. I could see him glancing over to where Gemma was and I just nodded my head at him. Tig gave me a thankful smile before he finally walked away.

I turned to Jax and shook my head before he got tired and tried to go after them. "He went to grab me like everyone else. I stepped away and tripped." I studied the side of his head that I saw hit the wall and then the ground. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said before pulling me into him.

From the way he held onto me I could just feel his nerves. This wasn't expected by anyone and Bobby being taken away in handcuffs certainly wasn't expected. The only thing Bobby had been involved in lately (that I knew about) was the hit, but Jax and Opie were there. They would have made sure it went down right and they would have known if there was a witness.

I suddenly started to feel sick when I realised Opie was the only one not present.

* * *

><p>I knew I would be asked to leave the clubhouse so they could discuss what had happened and I didn't hesitate. I shrugged off Jax's concerns as I grabbed my bag and went straight out to my car. The first place I drove to was Opie's house.<p>

When I pulled up there was no sign that anybody was there. I parked the car and got out. I made my way over to the front door two steps at a time. I tugged on it, but it was locked so I knocked hard. When no one came I kept knocking.

"Opie!" I called between knocks. "It's Zoey, open up!"

Still no one came to the door. I even yelled for Donna and the kids, but no response came. Eventually my hands started to hurt and I fell to the floor. I leaned against the door with my legs out in front of me. I was starting to wish that Opie still had one foot in and one foot out. Part of me was even starting to wish that he had left the club a long time ago.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	12. Chapter 12

Season: 1 Episode: 12

* * *

><p>Seeing Opie again had taken a weight off of me. I felt like I could breathe again. He came to the club to straighten things out and Jax filled me in on where he had been. I never made a big deal about it with Opie, I just went up to him and hugged him. We didn't talk about it and I never brought up the fact that I had gone looking for him. If Opie had heard from a neighbour or anything then he never said.<p>

I even tried to ignore the way Jax started to look as the hours passed. I could see something was bothering him, but I told myself it was down to the whole thing with Tara. Even before that, it's not like Jax's life hadn't suffered a few blows. His ex goes to rehab and his baby is born way too early and kept in the hospital for so long.

The thing that helped me to ignore it is I knew that Abel would be coming home soon, and for now everything with the club was peaceful.

"You're coming home today, kiddo," I said softly as I tickled Abel gently.

Jax grinned as he pushed the clipboard up against the wall to sign the papers attached to it. I made faces at Abel who clearly had no idea what I was doing but stared at me anyway. I only stopped when Tara came into the room. I kissed Abel softly on the forehead and straightened up. I smiled at Tara as I walked passed her to leave the room.

I tried not to look as I sat on the seats outside. I knew Tara had been thinking long and hard about her decision on whether she was really going to stick by Jax and get involved with the club, or leave well enough alone. She wanted to know where this was going and if I knew Jax as well as I thought then he was avoiding it. I looked over to see their arms around each other as they kissed. I hoped that Jax knew what he was doing, but I had to admit, it had been a while since I saw him smile like that.

* * *

><p>I sat on the couch with Abel lying in my lap, his head near my knees. I held onto his little hands and wiggled them a little.<p>

"Now, the family is a little crazy," I told him softly. "But they're good people. They're going to look out for you and protect you."

I smiled at him and continued to speak softly to him even though I knew he probably didn't understand a word I was saying. As Tara stormed out and Opie went to Jax I told Abel that that was only the tip of the crazy iceberg.

"She's not wrong," Gemma said as she slipped into the seat beside me.

"Of course I'm not," I said as I lifted Abel up. I handed him over to Gemma. "Take him for a minute. I need to do something real quick."

I got up as Donna ushered the kids outside and Opie followed. I grabbed my jacket off of the back of the couch and pulled it on. I headed outside and caught Opie saying goodbye to the kids. I jogged down the steps.

"Hey, Op."

He glanced up over the roof of the car and stepped away from it for a moment. "What's wrong?"

I ran straight for him and threw my arms around him. He caught me and held me close to him. "I know I've already said it, but I really am sorry for being such a bitch."

He set me down and shook his head at me. "Stop apologising. I needed to get my act together."

"I know you would never rat," I told him as I held onto him. "You wouldn't do that to us. I always believed in you."

He nodded his head, a soft smile in place. I reached up and kissed his cheek before going over to the car where Donna still had the window rolled down. I leaned down so I was the same height as her.

"I know the club isn't an easy thing to handle." I looked towards the house briefly. "But I appreciate you trying. The kids had fun tonight, we enjoyed seeing them."

She reached out and placed her hand over mine. "I can't promise I'm the clubs number one fan or that we'll be here for everything but I'm trying, for Opie."

"Personally, that's all I ever wanted."

She gave me a soft smile and I reached into the car to kiss her cheek. I said goodbye to the kids before I stepped away and headed back towards the house. Before I got too far I heard Donna stop Opie and say she wanted to stick around to help Gemma clear up afterwards. I couldn't stop smiling. Donna would probably never fully accept the club, but she was on our side a lot more than she ever had been.

* * *

><p>I stood behind the yellow tape with my arms wrapped around myself. I let the tears roll down my face as Opie practically laid on the floor, kissing Donna's face and crying over her. Jax had to forcibly pull Op away and even Chibs had to help. I watched as Opie held onto Jax like his life depended on it and I'm sure it did. Chibs stayed on his other side, making sure to support and hold him up.<p>

"Come on." I looked up to see Clay. "Go with them. Jax is going to go back to the house, Chibs will stay with Opie." I just stared at him blankly. "You should stay with Jax."

I nodded and just went with it. I wiped at my tears and shook myself a little then I did everything they needed me to do. I went with whoever I was meant to and we slowly got to where we needed to be. In the end I ended up going back to the house with Jax.

As we got through the front door Wendy was on the couch and Gemma was stood up. I hung back as the latter went to Jax and wrapped her arms around him. I could tell he was holding it all in and he still somehow managed to.

"How's Opie doing?"

Jax ignored the question but I saw him shake his head a little. "You should go home, Mom."

"What about the baby?"

"I can take care of my son."

"You sure?"

"It's time for me to do this, Mom."

"Okay, baby."

I finally looked up as Gemma repeated the word 'okay'. Jax moved away first. I knew he wanted to be alone but I followed him for a moment, glancing at Gemma to let her know I would be back in a second. I followed him all the way down to Abel's nursery where I stood in the doorway.

He stood by the cot and reached in to touch Abel. I moved into the room then and stood behind him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and rested my forehead against his back. He held onto my arms with one of his hands and squeezed. We stood there for a moment and when I moved away I kissed his back.

We didn't say a word to each other or even share a look. I just watched him move over to the rocking chair and then I left.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


	13. Chapter 13

_Season: 1 Episode: 13_

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><p>I walked into the house behind Jax. He had swung by to pick me up and I didn't even question it. I just got dressed and climbed onto the back of his bike. We hadn't spoken much about what had happened and to be honest I don't think I could. Opie was finally starting to find a balance between the club and his family then this happened.<p>

I kept to myself as Jax spoke to Mary and then pulled her in for a hug. When Opie was mentioned my eyes drifted towards the outside. Jax finished speaking with Mary and headed out there. I followed behind. I stayed outside by the door as Jax went up to where Opie sat on one of the kid's chairs. He got up and hugged Jax, I gave a small smile as Opie looked at me over Jax's shoulder.

As they both sat down on the children's chairs I sat down on the ground away from the door, but not too close to them. They watched the kids and I watched them. At first I couldn't hear what they were saying but then Opie's voice got a little louder.

"A banger shot my wife." I shut my eyes as he looked sideways at Jax. "I had nothing to do with that?"

Jax didn't respond. I opened my eyes to see Opie getting up and heading towards the swing set where the kids were. It hurt to think that Opie blamed himself for what happened with Donna. Eventually Jax got up. He nodded his head slightly at Opie, but he never spoke a word before coming over to me.

"I need to handle some things," he told me as I looked up at him. "Anywhere you need to go?"

I shook my head at him. "No, I'm just going to stay here for a bit. I'll figure something out."

He nudged my foot with his own. "I love you."

I bit my lip for a moment so I wouldn't start crying. "I love you too."

He headed towards the house without another word and I looked over to the swing set to see Opie moving towards me. I stood up this time. When he got closer he stopped, leaving some space between us.

"Why didn't you go with Jax?"

"I don't know where I want to go," I admitted. "Plus, I'm worried about you."

"You shouldn't be." He _sounded_ confident but he didn't look it.

"I'm always going to worry about you."

He nodded his head like he understood and then finally came closer to me. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around my waist, I reached up and put my arms around his neck. I kissed his cheek before I was pulled into him tightly. I could feel him take a deep breath.

"I'm glad we're okay now, Zo." I didn't say a word as he took a deep breath. "Sometimes even I don't know what this is between us, but I know my life is better with you in it."

I pulled away then to look at him. "If that's true then you don't have to be strong around me, Op. I get what it's like to lose somebody you love." I glanced down for a moment. "And I overheard what you said to Jax. You're not to blame."

"Then who is?"

I looked passed him to make sure the kids were still on the swing-set. "The fucker who actually did it. You're not the only person in this club that has somebody outside the main ranks, Op. It could have easily have been Tara or Gemma or _me_. It wouldn't have been Jax's fault or Clay's, so it's not yours now."

"She wanted me away from the club." I could see his frustration as he placed his hands on the back of his head and gripped his hair harshly.

"And if you leaving the club would have meant Donna didn't die then every fibre of my body wishes you had left too."

He looked at me then, shocked. I couldn't blame him. Every part of me had been begging for him to make a decision, to come back to the club. I shrugged at him.

"Donna hated the club," I said to him. "But she didn't hate everyone in it. I would never want to hurt Donna and you know that. You're my person, Opie. You're the closest thing to a best friend I've got and like you said, I have no idea what the hell this really is, but I do know that if I was going to lose you to another person, it would be Donna."

He pulled me in for another hug. I didn't let this one last as long before I pulled away and told him to go be with his kids, then I headed inside.

* * *

><p>I stood between Kip and Chibs when I spotted Jax making his way toward us. The priest continued to speak but I couldn't focus on what he was saying. I watched as Tara stood up to go over to him and my eyes flickered to Gemma who was naturally watching what was happening too. I looked away from it all and my eyes focused on the coffin.<p>

Jax came back into view as he came over to the coffin and placed a flower on top. I couldn't help but notice the way he watched the other group people, especially Clay and Tig, as he kissed the flower before placing it down. As he walked away he looked over at me. Neither of us smiled or did anything else. He just kept on walking and my eyes only followed him so far.

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><p><em>R&amp;R<em>


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